Dont Wanna be black anymore

I dont wanna be black anymore
Current mood: aggravated

Callin Out Names

Monday - January 16, 2006

A-Plus

Now that I have your attention� yes I said it. I don't wanna be Black anymore. In a time where it's cool and fashionable to be an African American, I'm hanging it up, throwing in the towel, folding.

The Machine has forced us into a state of moral bankruptcy.

Okay, okay� before you begin your chants of "hang that nigga now, I got the rope right here" (shout out to Aaron McGruder), let me plead my case.

Black folk have undergone seemingly insurmountable odds for the last four centuries (and counting) and continue to persevere. One could even argue that in 2006, there is no better time to be Black. But as we all know, all that glitters isn't gold and everything that shines ain't a diamond (matter of fact, it's a lot of cubic zirconia's walking around in our community now).

Michael Eric Dyson asked the question and I feel obligated to answer him. YES, Bill Cosby was right. In this day and age, everything of, related to and about blackness, black culture or being black in any positive light has been reduced to a pile of ash and rubble.

Who is to blame you ask? The niggas, yes ladies and gentleman, the black race is dead and the niggas have run amuck. BET looks like a scene from Dawn of the Dead and the black faces might as well be wearing black faces (if that went over your head, do a Google search for "minstrel shows").

For every yin, there's supposed to be a yang, but somehow, the niggas (with some help from unnamed sources) have found a way to bring about the worst in us� 100 percent of the time. I must say that I am forced to applaud their tactics, as even some of the harshest critics of nigga culture have been reduced to saying, "it's not that bad."

Sorry to burst your bubble of comfort and euphoria, but it IS that bad. The niggas are driving the bus and the black folks are tied up in the trunk.

Back in the Motown era, GROWN musicians made grown folks music. These days, grown niggas make music in hopes of turning young kids into mini nigga zombies. Let's be real for a minute. Being grown is no longer the thing to be, but when you're grown, you're expected to know better. You're expected to pull your pants up off your ass, expected to act like you have some got damn sense and expected to do things that uplift your community (instead of tearing it down).

So fresh for the '06, I present for your viewing pleasure: The Nigga Hit List. That's right, I'm going DROP Squad on y'all (once again, Google it if you don't know).

Young Jeezy: The new jack comes in at the top of the list for single handedly taking the term "crack music" to new heights, unrivaled by anyone in hip hop history. In an era where even the whackest of rappers claim to have songs about "everything", Jeezy made an album SOLELY dedicated to the life of a crack dealer (with the occasional reference to bitches, clothing or jewelry) and it became a smash. When did drugs become the fashionable thing? Last I checked, even Whitney said crack is whack but we put Jeezy on a pedestal. Must be the ad libs�

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah, gotta be the ad libs.

50 Cent: What can I say about Curtis Jackson that hasn't already been said? If Jeezy didn't hook America with drug rap, 50 would, without a doubt top the list (for a number of infractions). While Fif isn't solely responsible for the rise of nigga culture, it's safe to say that he's led (and is still leading) the charge. Get Rich or Die Tryin is disastrous on so many levels. The very concept is counterproductive and to dissect all the reasons would take more column space than I'm allowed.

The Ying Yang Twins: Hip hop's version of Stepin Fetchit. If 50 helped usher in an era of violence, Caine and D Roc (along with a supporting cast that included Lil Jon and the East Side Boys) took cooning to new heights in recent years. The Twins have single-handedly epitomized the word "sambo." But here's the kicker� they want to be taken seriously now, after recording several tracks not fit for strip club consumption, but guess what? Nobody cares!!! When you dedicate your life's work to showing your gold grill and your signature phrase isn't a word, but rather a sound (HAAAAAH), is there any surprise that no one takes you seriously when you speak of saving the trees and the whales?

Flava Flav: From Public Enemy to Flavors of Love. I can picture Chuck D now, at home, ice grilling the TV with a vein popping out of his neck every time his hype man graces the small screen. The new show is so ridiculously bad, that it's somewhat entertaining. However, that doesn't change the fact that the same man who told us that "911 is a joke" and to "fight the power" is participating in this type of foolishness.

The Source: It'd have been entirely too easy to put Benzino's name here and the blame doesn't fall squarely on his shoulders. Hip hop's "bible" has been reduced to the Black version of the National Enquirer, and there is a long list of people to blame (I just haven't thumbed through the magazine to type a list of names).

BET: No further commentary is necessary

I could go on and on with the Nigga Hit List, but I won't. There just isn't enough column space (or space on DX for that matter) to call out the cooning and buffoonery in hip hop. If the handful of cats on TV represents the authority on hip hop culture or young black culture, I'm turning in my Black Card (effective immediately).

This isn't what I signed on for. Blackness never involved self degradation. I'd be wrong to blame this all on the "rappers", believe me� names will be called out in 2006. The Drop Squad's return is long overdue.

Until then, I'm hanging it up� I don't wanna be Black anymore.

Mr Nice VS Mr D.%%&

Entry for January 22, 2006

hat old saying nice guys finish last still holds true to this day. What is it about a nice guy that even nice girls don't want? I figured this would be an interesting discussion to kick off the new year seeing how there are an abundant amount of both scattered throughout the world. Reading them on the monitor and thinking them over makes a big difference. Which are you and which do you ladies prefer? Be honest!



That First Phone Call



Mr. Nice Guy- Gets your number in the club or wherever else and calls you that very next day or a few days later. During the phone call he sounds generally interested and even makes good conversation all the way up until you get sleepy and decides to get off the phone and call it a night, or call your boyfriend or other guy you met. The next day he calls you back like you told him to the day before and asks you how your day was, while listening attentively until you are ready to get off the phone and do other things. When you talk to your girlfriends you carelessly bring up the new guy you met and tell them that he seems really nice.



Mr. Dick- He spits some hellified game at you that he got from the latest issue of (Game Face; Autobiography of a Gamespitter) in the club and gets your number along with about three other women. He waits about four or five days to call you but when he does he's a little more charming than Mr. Nice Guy. He pretends to listen attentively while making comments such as "for real" or "you bullshitting" while actually playing a video game or flipping threw some magazine. After a juicy and interesting conversation where you're all in, he then tells you that he will call you back later and you don't hear from him for about two or three days. When he does call you back you are so glad to talk to him again that you brush off the fact that he didn't call you back like he promised. This time when he gets off the phone first like he did last time (because this is a part of his game) you make a sly remark like " I guess I will talk to you in another three days" so he gets the hint that you want to talk sooner. He hangs up the phone and you don't hear from him for about a day or so. During that time you talk to your friends and tell them about this guy you met that you are feeling but he doesn't seem to be into you.



Sex the First Time



Mr. Nice Guy- He takes you out or invites you over for a home cooked meal for the second or third time, and gives you a massage while playing nice music. Around the third or fourth date you finally decide to give him a little because you were feeling a little horny during his full body massage. The sex is cool but it was nowhere near fantastic because you weren't really into it like you know you were capable, and you really wasn't feeling him like that. When you wake up (if you even stayed the night) you give him a hug and maybe a peck on the lips and never come back. He calls you but your conversation is short or you don't answer your cell, and when you do you are almost always busy. You tell your girlfriends that he would make a better friend than boyfriend and that he would make a good guy for such and such.



Mr. Dick- He invites you over after ten o'clock p.m. (can't risk someone seeing you come in) or takes you out to the movies and Burger King if you are lucky. To get you in the mood he puts on some R. Kelly and provides some Hennessey and coke to increase his chances, while breaking out the Baby Oil to give you a rub down. During his full body massage he tongues your body better than your wash cloth ever could before slipping on a jimmy without you knowing it, and sliding it right in. It feels so good to you that you forget the fact that this is you guy's first date and lets him hit it every way imaginable. You suck his dick and the whole nine and gladly pass out in his bed (if he doesn't have to work) wink wink. When you leave you try to give him a long kiss accompanied by an even longer hug and head home with your hair looking a mess. The next day you tell your closest girlfriend how he rocked your world and how you hope he doesn't think you get down like that on the regular. For the next few days every time the phone rings you hope it's him.



Cheating



Mr. Nice Guy- Calls and checks in like a good boyfriend and gives you the space and freedom you desire to hang out with your girls. He surprises you with little trinkets anytime he gets the urge, which is all the time. He cooks for you and is even nice to all of your friends, including the male ones. When you don't call or seem distant Mr. Nice Guy has a hard time sleeping because he suspects something, but you don't care. You wind up cheating on Mr. Nice Guy one night and tell your girls how bad you feel for doing such a nice person like that. The sex between the two of you starts to dwindle because you start sexing the guy you cheated with on the side even more. Now when Mr. Nice Guy wants to have sex you make excuses and feel bad afterwards. When you do have sex it's more of a sympathy lay and is less likely to be enjoyed by either of you. You tell your friends that you think the relationship is coming to an end because you two are growing apart.



Mr. Dick- Never calls when he's supposed to and he suspects you of cheating every time you and the girls are out. You use to get surprises and flowers every time you looked around, but that was in the beginning of the relationship. He's never home all times of night and when he is he doesn't answer his phone because he says the ringer was off so he could sleep. When the two of you are talking on the phone his line beeps like crazy, but he just tells you its his boys Mike D or Dre Dog trying to get him to go out. His phone never rings when you're at his place because his ringer is always turned off, resulting you keep hearing some annoying clicking sound (answering machine). You don't cheat on this guy; instead you do everything in your power to show him that you're not cheating. You tell your girls how good he is to you!



Arguments



Mr. Nice Guy- Hates to argue but when he does makes up for it by giving you some flowers or just sincerely apologizing, even if he hadn't done anything. You argue with him in public and even go as far as arguing with him in front of his friends or yours. You make fun or take little jabs at him around other people and try to make him the butt of all your little annoying jokes. Mr. Nice Guy shrugs them off and smiles, all the while feeling embarrassed and irritated deep down. Although no one ever comes flat out and says it, it's quite obvious that your respect for him is pretty low. You tell your girlfriends that you wear the pants in the relationship!



Mr. Dick- Hates to argue and you damn sure better not dare argue in public or show your ass in front of company. All that being the butt of the joke nonsense is foreign to this guy because he has given you a laundry list of do's, don'ts, and more don'ts. He didn't actually give you a list for say, it was more like a look your parents use to give when you did something wrong and you straightened right up. If by chance the two of you do fight over something that's his fault his apology comes in the form of "Baby you know how I get" now get those cloths off so we can make up properly. It's obvious who wears the pants in this relationship. You tell your girls that your man has an attitude problem!



Standing His Ground



Mr. Nice Guy- Didn't have trouble making up his mind until you two got together, but you hold it against him anyway. Always agrees to see the movie you want to see because he wants you to be happy and hopefully like him more. Here's the big one. Even when you know that you were wrong and he was right in a big argument he just lets you have your say so. You talk mad trash to Mr. Nice Guy and constantly threaten to leave his ass since the two of you can't agree on anything or get along anymore. You tell the guy that you are cheating with that you are getting tired of your boyfriend so can you come over!



Mr. Dick- Never has a problem speaking his mind because he's not worried about you not liking him. He has no problem seeing the movie you want to see since nothing else good is playing and he will get some points for it. What you like about Mr. Dick is that he will tell you in a heart beat when you are wrong. You use to threaten to leave his ass but stopped because after he took you up on your bluff you figured that wasn't such a good idea. Since this is the guy that you cheat with you tell your Mr. Nice Guy that you hate guys like this!



Dropping by Unannounced



Mr. Nice Guy- From the very beginning you knew Mr. Nice Guy would have no problem with you stopping by if you so happened to be in the neighborhood. Since you were feeling him a little you made it a point to drop in whenever you got the urge, whether that was before the club or afterwards. Don't let Mr. Nice Guy have a nice little cosy place of his own; you want your whole crew to see this after the club. All he gets is a quick I'm on my way call and you and all your girls show up so they can see that you got it like that. On the way home your girls give you high fives and tell you that you better keep that one, but what are you going to do about Raphael. You laugh and say as long as Raphael keeps handling his business he will be fine!



Mr. Dick- This guy doesn't always come right out and say it, but you just know not to pop up over his place. For starters if you do it's a good possibility you don't get in, even if you see his car out front. Chances are he either has company or is waiting for some. You wouldn't dare chance popping up after the club with your home girls because deep down you think one of them might start digging him, or worse the other way around. On the way home from the club with your girls you give him a late night booty call to see if he wants some company. If he accepts you wait until your girls drop you off and jump in your ride and head to his house to get your groove on.



Meeting the Folks



Mr. Nice Guy- The perfect guy to bring home to momma and daddy. His manners are flawless and the guy can even hold a conversation with your father without giving off the impression he's afraid. While sitting around the room with your folks he's able to converse about everything under the son including his good job. After dinner before your mother can even start to clear the table he jumps up and offers to do it for her along with the dishes. When he leaves, your mom and dad tell you that he's a good man and really has a good head on his shoulders. You smile and tell them that you knew they would like him.



Mr. Dick- This is the guy you only bring home to confirm what you already knew already. Although some of these cats are as slippery as a liar trained to pass a Polygraph Test. For all intense purposes we will just say that on this occasion he's not. At your folks place he responds when spoken to allot more than making idle chit chatter and dances around the subject of what he does for a living better than Puffy at the BET music awards. While sitting around the room talking he pretends to be all interested in what your folks are saying, the whole while clock watching and thinking of an escape line. In reality if he's a genuine Mr. Dick he already prearranged his escape route by telling you before hand that he could only stay a short bit because he has to work. Your father doesn't really get a take on this guy because somehow Mr. Dick managed to manoeuvre out of every possibility of sitting down with him. After dinner he also helps with the clearing of the table and dishes, but only after he sees your mother has already started. If she says "don't worry about it I can handle them" or "it's only a few" he gladly sits his ass back down. When he finally leaves, your folks tell you that he's okay but that last guy you had over was better. You tell them that they just gotta get to know him!



I hope everyone enjoyed those two hilarious but very true break downs. At the end of the day whether the man you choose to be with is indeed Mr. Nice Guy or Mr. Dick as long as he makes you happy that's all that matters. I'm sure every woman has had their share of Mr. Dicks to last them a lifetime. Mr. Nice Guys don't come around but every so often in a woman's life, but I'm sure you all can recall at least one guy from your past that fits his description also. What I wanted this article to do as with all my articles and the newsletter itself is provoke thought. Why is it that in a world where women tend to fantasize more about Prince Charming than anything else, they run the other way when a nice guy comes along? Is the saying nice guys finish last indeed true? Have we really journeyed so far away from the times when it was inconceivable to even imagine a man not opening his lady's door? Was all Mr. Dicks once Mr. Nice Guys? Is the real reason there are so many Mr. Dicks in the world today because Mr. Nice Guys often get left hanging? All these questions and even a few more can only be answered by each individual woman, so ask yourself. Which do you prefer, or is a combination of the two better?